To Begin

I’ve been doing a lot of reading since learning there was a label to what kind of lifestyle I was looking for. A LOT of reading. Tonight I was reading a blog from a Master’s viewpoint. He was discussing labels. The one that caught my attention was the term ‘slave’. His definition was:

“At the same time, by its very definition, a slave is involved in a complete exchange of power. There is no other way. If a relationship involves anything other than this, than that person is not a slave but, rather, a sub.”

I never thought of myself as slave. The more I read different definitions of the word, the more I am sure of this. I’m not sure I could ever trust someone so completely as to not have limits. Besides that, I believe I need to set limits to have something to work towards. Always being pushed towards my boundaries excites me. If I was involved in a complete exchange of power, I would feel there was nothing to work towards. I would already have given everything I had to give. Every time I give part of myself to Him or open up a new area of my life for him to control, I see it as a gift. And it brings me closer to Him.

The same blog went on to discuss the existence of sluts who are only calling themselves ‘sexual slaves’ so that they can be used in a variety of ways. I’ve read similar statements with people saying there exist individuals who label themselves ‘submissive’ or ‘slave’ but are only looking to play a part for a short while or use a Dom/me who is more generous with their money or favors. When I read statements like these, I start wondering if I’m one of those young women just going through a phase and ‘experimenting’ in my college years (possibly a more extreme version of the idea that most girls become bisexual once they get to college). But then I think of how I feel when I’m on my knees in front of Him and I don’t doubt myself. How could it be a phase when I feel I have belonged there all my life?

I’ve only been involved in the BDSM community for a short while, so my thoughts on things may seem naive or misguided by some. But that’s why I’m writing this. Blogging will help me as I learn about myself and my submission. It will teach me to express my desires and limits and be more communicative. I welcome comments or anyone who wants to email me and talk with me.


2 Responses to To Begin

  1. Dear Apsara, I believe I read the same post. It also left me very confused but in a different way. At the time my situation is a bit different than yours. Engaged and now married we are truly husband and wife. I am submitting to him but because I believe it is what our Lord has wanted for a wife to do. I am also finding that I am a “natural submissive” in terms of our relationship in most cases. The ones where I fight my boundaries, earns me punishment. Lovingly discussed and then given. The comfort he gives me is indescribable. It’s hard to explain. I think I see why you love your Dom. Are you his only submissive?

    Love,
    Isabella

  2. Isabella,
    I’m His only submissive. I don’t think I could ever share! I’ve always believed in a more ‘traditional’ marriage, where the husband is the head of the household. I’m glad that you find comfort in what he can give you and what you can give him as his wife.

    Love,
    Apsara

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