Him

Him. I fell in love with Him quicker than I had anticipated. I’m not surprised. I’ve never allowed myself to be so vulnerable around someone. He was many things to me: my friend, my lover, my Dominant. He was the type of man I could see myself with in a vanilla relationship. The fact that He could ‘switch’ into my Dom made Him as an appealing man as they come. Kneeling for Him for the first time, I opened myself up and had never felt so scared and exhilarated at the same moment. I had such hope.

But I was a wreck with Him. My thoughts revolved around Him and the way He could make me feel; with one look my cunt would clench, my breath would get caught in my throat, and I would sink to my knees. When he spanked me, my entire being focused on that pain and I lost myself in it. I could transform it into pleasure and orgasm from being spanked–or I could simply revel in the stinging His hand made on my bottom.

Despite finding this passion I had been craving, I felt lost in the relationship. He didn’t have much experience with submissives, so I don’t thinkĀ  He knew how to give me what I was looking for and I didn’t know how to ask. I needed boundaries and limits to feel safe and protected. The expectations He had of me were so few and when I asked for more, neither of us knew what to do. By the time I figured out what I wanted, He had become indecisive about our relationship. His friends didn’t understand why we were together (obviously they didn’t know about him being a Dom), considering He was 9 years older than me, and they finally convinced Him to end it. He couldn’t take the pressure from them and didn’t want to lose them as friends. I knew He was going to break my heart, so I didn’t have the courage to tell Him what I wanted from Him once I had realized it. It would have devastated me if I had given Him more control only to have Him reject me. We could have been happy together, but I think we were both too inexperienced. And every time I think about what we could have had, my stomach flips over and my throat closes up, and I feel like crying.

But that is the past now. I have to move on and learn from it. And know that I can feel that way again with someone who understands how to make me feel protected and cocooned within His rules and expectations of me.


2 Responses to Him

  1. Thank you. I have found that I’m more confident in who I am and I’m more relaxed in everyday life now that I’m submitting. I hope this feeling only grows.

    Apsara

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>