Humiliation

I always had very low self-esteem growing up. I didn’t ever think I was pretty enough or smart enough or popular enough. While I’m sure most girls felt this way, it eventually led me to counseling and medication during the first year of high school. I’ve only really felt comfortable in my own skin the past couple years.  I don’t know how I feel sharing that, but I think it’s necessary to know in order to talk about humiliation play.

I told my last Dom everything I found humiliating. This included being slapped in the face, having someone cum on my face, being rimmed, and being called names. I’m sure my list will grow and change the more things I try. Even now that old list has changed. I mentioned my last Dom because I told Him I wanted to try everything I found humiliating to see if I really found it humiliating or just embarrassing. I realized that it’s not necessarily the act that makes me uncomfortable. It’s the reaction of the person I’m trusting and allowing myself to be vulnerable around.

I was talking to some other submissives in a forum and asked them how they felt about humiliation play. I think a couple of the answers show the two main ways of looking at it:

“Master uses various forms of humiliation. It’s usually pretty subtle. It increases my vulnerability which increases arousal, makes me weak in the knees, and even increases my trust in him because of how he handles me when I am so vulnerable.”

“I personally do not enjoy humiliation play. Being Sir’s sub makes me feel beautiful, desired, and good about myself. I’m not interested in having the man I’m deeply in love with humiliate me. Shoot, I do that enough to myself just in daily life!”

I understand where the first woman is coming from. I did feel more aroused when I allowed myself to put my trust in Him. But then the second quote shows how I feel about humiliation play the majority of the time. My last Dom gave me a look during one of the acts I mentioned and I didn’t know how to interpret it. It looked like disgust. Maybe I was just projecting, but it made my insecurities surface and I became the opposite of aroused. Although I expressed my feelings, I just couldn’t get that look out of my head. I don’t want to feel like the person I love and trust doesn’t respect me, even if I know it’s just play. Some part of me would always be doubting. Maybe as I grow more confidant in who I am, humiliation play will become more appealing. For now though, I want to limit that play (not completely exclude it!) and learn to love myself and trust that my Daddy will love me no matter what dirty things I want to try or what dirty things He makes me do.


2 Responses to Humiliation

  1. Learning to love yourself is a great place to start. Good luck on your journey.

    And hope you keep blogging and sharing your journey. We always welcome new bloggers.

    FD

  2. I love how the bloggers I’ve talked to are always so welcoming! It’s nice and helps me feel more comfortable sharing my writing. So thank you to all you bloggers out there!

    Apsara

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